I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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