I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
