The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
