life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
as a side note pls kill me
last night I used snow as a chaser
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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