that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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