do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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