just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize