but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
