The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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