I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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