i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
