someone threw a dead crab at me
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
