your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
