I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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