Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
