I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
