i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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