her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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