just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
