I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
