Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
