are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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