Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
