I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
