My friends, they love my intelligence
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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