Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
