don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
