are you so shy because you have an std?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
