I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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