Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
