I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
