i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
