you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
