My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
