My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
