my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
