So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
