apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
