i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
