This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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