Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
