one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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