FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
