drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
