glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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