im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
