you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
