My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
