if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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