I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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