turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
