Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
