i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize