I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
