Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
