I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
