All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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