I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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