get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize