Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
