I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
