her vagina looked like bernie madoff
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize