We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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