I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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