At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
