my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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