there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
