If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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