The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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