Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
