i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I am one with the molecules
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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