She's JV to your varsity
Small penises have feelings too.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
